This is just too precious: Pope Benedict XVI is about to release a handbook to distinguish genuine divine apparitions from fake ones. You see, the Church has counted 295 apparitions of the Virgin Mary between 1905 and 1995, but only 11 of these are considered “genuine.” Funny, I would have ventured to say that they are all bogus, but clearly I’m not the Pope.Benedict thinks that one can tell the difference between real and fake apparitions “with utmost rigour,” and his new guidelines call for a series of steps to curtail false claims that might divert some faithful away from the Church and into (other) cults. Here are the steps that will be taken according to the Vatican’s version of CSI (actually the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith):
To begin with, the Church will tell the alleged witnesses to simply shut up. If they don’t comply, this will be taken as evidence that their claims are false. If you don’t follow the logic, don’t worry, it gets worse.
Next, the Vatican will call in some psychiatrists -- interestingly, either Catholic or atheists (what about Muslim or Jewish ones?) -- to certify that the visionaries are not nuts or hallucinating. (Good luck.)
Then the Church task force will consider the subject’s education. You see, if they are too educated they may have had access to reports of previous apparitions, which would have given them the know-how for effective fakery. This essentially eliminates anyone with a computer that can do google or wiki searches.
If the alleged visionary has successfully passed the preliminary tests, then he or she will be questioned by, I kid you not, demonologists and exorcists -- just to make sure that the apparition is divine, and not a dirty trick perpetrated by good old Satan. The implication, of course, is that a relatively well educated person like the Pope actually believes in the literal existence of an actively plotting Satan. Oh boy.
Just in case you were wondering, by the way, today is not April 1st, and the above material is not taken from the Onion.
Obviously, Massimo works for the Devil. Any self respected demonologist can see through your ruse demon! LOL!
ReplyDeleteBefore checking the visionary, will the Catholic and atheist psychiatrists please check Benedict and Co. first?
ReplyDeleteI know that this sort of irrational statement is to be expected from the Catholic Church yet somehow I am still amazed each time it happens.
ReplyDeleteI've been tempted to cut a piece of aluminum foil in the shape that is so common to VM apparitions, place it on a piece of bread, toast it and claim a miracle.
No, no I didn't mean it... Satan made me say that. He controls me... aaaahhhh
seem rational enough. The problem Massimo is having has nothing to do with reason. He doesn't like the Church and want to ridicule it. if he wants to have a debate with the Church about what it believes and how these conclusion can be reached by reason, he will be able to find whole libraries filled with apologetics supporting the Churches stance simply by Reason.
ReplyDelete"To begin with, the Church will tell the alleged witnesses to simply shut up. If they don’t comply, this will be taken as evidence that their claims are false."
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought that trial by ordeal was a special case.
If they're willing to accept the kind of rational examination that atheists engage in to decide whether Mary appeared or not, why not accept the same kind of examination to decide about the whole dadgummed religion?
ReplyDeleteThat's funny, I think ate the Virgin Mary this morning with some jam and juice.
ReplyDeleteIt's not simply bitching about the church, it's bitching about the legitimacy being given to such...hogwash as demonologists and exorcists.
ReplyDeleteIt's bad luck for Jesus or Mary if they insist on appearing to educated people who will not be believed by the church to speak truthfully. Hold on, does that mean that if the Pope said that he'd seen Jesus...?
ReplyDeleteKonrad Talmont-Kaminski
It's only a genuine apparition if her hymen is intact.
ReplyDeleteInteresting so many 'bright' people have so much time to devote to religion... heehee. I hope this does not initiate a new trend!
ReplyDeleteIs it just me or does the Pope look more and more like a slightly deranged Vulcan with every new picture?
ReplyDeleteI question the Popes, Bishops, and Imams - all of them, all of the time.
ReplyDeleteTo me, Herr Ratzinger looks rather like Uncle Fester (googled for a pic and found this nice, side-by-side, irrefutable evidence)
ReplyDeleteI just love Pope Palpatine's absolutely rigorous logic, as disqualified by it he himself is to see an honest-to-goodness manifestation of the very being he supposedly represents...ROFLMAO
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